I don’t believe in originality. You take inspiration from whatever moves you and you find your voice in those things.
— Tim Walker
From March 9 of '94, a language enthusiast, a budding pharmacist-to-be, a fake athlete, a person who's neither skinny nor fat, someone socially-awkward, a music aficionado, an untalented artist, one who appreciates good writing and photography, self-proclaimed person of excellent yet diverse taste.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
12:13 AM
Islam pada nama dan Islam secara holistik. Jauh beza.

Untuk berubah memang payah. Nak tinggalkan benda-benda duniawi yang dah sebati dalam hidup, nak disiplinkan diri supaya sentiasa konsisten berubah ke arah kebaikan. Tinggalkan perkara lagha yang nafsu memang suka sangat. Perit weh, serius.

Akak usrah aku pernah ingatkan dengan satu ayat,

Surah Al-Baqarah Ayat 216 : 
“... Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.”
Ya Allah, memang betul kalam Dia. Frankly speaking, antara solat taubat dengan melayan hiburan, kau rasa kau lagi selalu buat yang mana?

Jalan nak menuju ke syurga tu memang dikelilingi dengan perkara yang kita tak suka. Siapa suka bangun pagi-pagi nak qiyam? Siapa suka korban masa dengar ceramah agama? Memang amalan yang nak membawa kita ke syurga tu, payah sekali kita nak kerjakan. Tak masuk lagi la dengan solat yang lompong-lompang, yang sunat pula, jauh sekali. Sesungguhnya jalan syurga tu berliku-liku dengan dugaan dan cabaran.

Nak menuju ke neraka pula penuh dengan perkara yang nafsu manusia memang gemar. Sepanjang jalan ke neraka dihiasi dengan benda yang melalaikan, menjauhkan kita dari-Nya. Sampaikan nikmat syurga abadi tertutup sebab manusia terlalu dibayangi dengan nikmat sementara dunia.

Aku tak pernah sempurna, takde manusia yang sempurna. Tapi tak salah kalau mencuba untuk hampir sempurna. Eventhough journey aku untuk hampir sempurna tu jauh berapa lightyears lagi.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2013
10:51 AM
What you are is a complicated girl with simple needs. You need your books and time to read, and you need a  few friends and you need someone-not to take care of you, but to care for you. If you have all those things, you'll always be alright. "Breakable You" by Brian Morton.
You got that right Mr. Morton.

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Friday, January 11, 2013
3:10 PM

Helen and Peter Radley have a huge secret they really don’t want to tell their children, as they want them to live a normal life as possible - but things aren’t gong to plan.

Rowan can’t sleep at night and thinks it’s a bad case of insomnia, he then wants to sleep all day. He’s also allergic to the sun and has to apply factor 60 otherwise his skin gets covered in a sore itchy rash. He constantly gets bullied at school and is totally in love with a girl at school who’s friends with his sister and is totally out of his league. Basically, Rowan hates his life.

Clara doesn’t have the same problems as her brother, but she does have her own. Clara is sick all the time, literally, and her parents keep telling her that she really should eat meat and stop this nonsense of becoming a vegan, but they just don’t understand, although she doesn’t get why she’s so nauseous all the time, but her father, who’s a doctor, keeps telling her it’s probably just a virus. Animals also hate her, even though she’s really nice to them, so she’s become an advocate of several ‘against animal cruelty’ societies and covers her bedroom walls with their posters.

But one fateful night, Clara is feeling worse and worse and then does something that changes her life and those of her family forever. Because of this, Helen and Peter are pressured into telling Clara and Rowan their secret; they are abstaining vampires and haven’t tasted blood for seventeen years. In a fit of panic, Peter calls his brother for help, but for some reason calling Will fills Helen with dread, as she has even more secrets of her own, which she doesn’t want even Peter to know about.

Helen and Peter’s relationship is full of tension and the strain of trying to be normal all the time is taking it’s toll. Individually they reminisce about the days they drank human blood and how much they miss it. And when Will flies in to help, things just go from bad to worse.

It's a fun read actually. Each chapters are short and the longest will be about 4-5 pages. It's quite fast-paced and the vampires in this novel are not similar like in Stephenie Meyer book. They don't drink animal blood instead they drink vampire blood kept in a bottle. Rowan is so sweet for his love towards Eve. There are some dark/adults moments in it but whoever reads it is mature enough to differentiate which are good or bad for themselves. After all this is just a work of fiction.

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2:44 AM
I feel bad about deleting all my skins last year. Oh well what else can we do, lost things will never return (actually I still have the codes of all my skins in my lappy) So yeah forget about the past and this is the present, Neoteny :

Preview | Download

Urghh the printscreen is ugly -.-

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Tuesday, January 8, 2013
2:49 AM
By this time you should know that occasionally, I have these high self-criticism relating my insecures, So you see, I can't even love myself fully let alone to love someone else. It is just...impossible.

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Sunday, January 6, 2013
5:06 PM
Just to let you know, I went to bed at 3 in the morning yesterday just to watch this.

It's not the usual full of CGI effects film that many expected from a Hollywood movie instead it tells us about Charlie, a shy, introspective, intelligent beyond his years yet socially awkward, which is the meaning of wallflower itself. He was a freshman and he still has lot of things to learn. Hanging out with Patrick and Sam (who were both seniors) exposed him to a lot of things he wasn't used to. (like smoking, drinking, lots of adult/teenage stuffs) I just love the trio, the director sure has picked the perfect actors and actress for this film. Emma has done a good job in post-Harry Potter role in here. It's like she's a bit different from the Hermione that we know (the different hairstyle and all) she's grown so much in this film, more mature. And Ezra Miller, well yeah he's attractive but it's a pity he's gay (in the movie and real life) he described himself as a 'queer' (do check that vocab out)
If I do get a hold of its novel, I guarantee I'm gonna love it. I've googled it and it sure has many beautiful and realistic quotes and some of it reflected on my life, like accurately. So yeah if I have the chance I would love to read the novel too.
I was a wallflower.
I was not one of those kids people notice immediately.
I was one of those people who blends in very well that I was no longer noticeable.
I was a “nobody”.
I was one of those uncool kids back in high school that almost no one spoke to because I always kept to myself.
I was insecure.
I was scared that if I try to talk no one would listen.
Actually I think I still am even though I am already working.
I am still a “nobody” here.
I have a couple of friends but it seems like no one really knows who I really am because I never let them find out who I really was.
They know my name and a couple of unimportant things but I think that’s about it.
They don’t really care about the things I like, the things that make me cry, the things that make me smile.
I was just another person they knew by name but never really knew at all.

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Tuesday, January 1, 2013
1:41 AM
So now we're in 2013.
Oh ok.

To be frank I never had any new year's resolution. Ever. Simply because I don't really know what I truly wish for. Yeah so many of us will say that they wanna have an excellent result on major exam (UPSR/PMR/SPM etc) , hoping for our desired gadgets will be ours, be happier, and so on and so forth. No. Terus terang aku tak pernah ada azam langsung.

And I always wonder up until now, what did really motivate me as to achieve straight A's in all my major exams. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah for His generosity. The answer is, I never put good result as my wish for that particular year. It is a MUST for me to get the flying straight A's. And of course, a must without an effort will not work out. In order to achieve it, you must put some Herculean effort into it. I almost didn't have a life during my schooldays, plus the fact that I'm in a boarding school. It's a sacrifice I had to make.

As for materials, again I never had a strong urge or desire to get certain gadgets, accessories or whatever. I do look up for new trending items in the web but strangely I'm not influenced to purchase it. I guess, my rationale took a better hold of me then. As for my personality, nope I never thought of changing it. I may not have the most charming attitude in the world but my personality is not in the rock bottom either. And where I am now, I don't see that I can't make any friends at all so I guess yeah maybe people are okay with me.

2012, simply said, was dull to me. In the beginning when I got my SPM result, yeah that was a wonderful time for me and when I got the offer to continue my studies I was more than enthusiastic. But then when it drew towards the end of the year, man how my life slowly turned into monotonous daily basis. Maybe it's just my conscience. I mean, I have awesome friends in campus, lecturers were nice, totally easy to live with roommates, close to heaven semester, what more could I ask for right? But inside my head, I'm not happy with all of these. I always feel like I'm alone, despite the people who surrounded me everyday.

One more thing I noticed during 2012, I became a lot quieter. I listened more, I talked less. That's another rotten metamorphosis happened to me. Somehow, when I do have a topic waiting to be spilled in my head, my mouth seems to have a mind of his own. I won't open my mouth but instead rolling it around in my head, pondered it alone. No wonder I got zillion of secrets last year. Sigh....this silent mouth, I have to change it. Truth to be told, I'm not 100% happy with myself in 2012. I felt like I didn't do my best, didn't give my all to everything I done. It's like I'm doing everything half-heartedly which is bad I think.

So yeah for the first time, I think I have new year's resolutions. To be friendlier, smile and laugh brighter, work out, make the best out of my third semester, to feel less alone, to love and be loved and write a better lifestory. With that, I closed my 2012 old book and open a new 2013 journal.





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