So now we're in 2013.
To be frank I never had any new year's resolution. Ever. Simply because I don't really know what I truly wish for. Yeah so many of us will say that they wanna have an excellent result on major exam (UPSR/PMR/SPM etc) , hoping for our desired gadgets will be ours, be happier, and so on and so forth. No. Terus terang aku tak pernah ada azam langsung.
And I always wonder up until now, what did really motivate me as to achieve straight A's in all my major exams. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah for His generosity. The answer is, I never put good result as my wish for that particular year. It is a MUST for me to get the flying straight A's. And of course, a must without an effort will not work out. In order to achieve it, you must put some Herculean effort into it. I almost didn't have a life during my schooldays, plus the fact that I'm in a boarding school. It's a sacrifice I had to make.
As for materials, again I never had a strong urge or desire to get certain gadgets, accessories or whatever. I do look up for new trending items in the web but strangely I'm not influenced to purchase it. I guess, my rationale took a better hold of me then. As for my personality, nope I never thought of changing it. I may not have the most charming attitude in the world but my personality is not in the rock bottom either. And where I am now, I don't see that I can't make any friends at all so I guess yeah maybe people are okay with me.
2012, simply said, was dull to me. In the beginning when I got my SPM result, yeah that was a wonderful time for me and when I got the offer to continue my studies I was more than enthusiastic. But then when it drew towards the end of the year, man how my life slowly turned into monotonous daily basis. Maybe it's just my conscience. I mean, I have awesome friends in campus, lecturers were nice, totally easy to live with roommates, close to heaven semester, what more could I ask for right? But inside my head, I'm not happy with all of these. I always feel like I'm alone, despite the people who surrounded me everyday.
One more thing I noticed during 2012, I became a lot quieter. I listened more, I talked less. That's another rotten metamorphosis happened to me. Somehow, when I do have a topic waiting to be spilled in my head, my mouth seems to have a mind of his own. I won't open my mouth but instead rolling it around in my head, pondered it alone. No wonder I got zillion of secrets last year. Sigh....this silent mouth, I have to change it. Truth to be told, I'm not 100% happy with myself in 2012. I felt like I didn't do my best, didn't give my all to everything I done. It's like I'm doing everything half-heartedly which is bad I think.
So yeah for the first time, I think I have new year's resolutions. To be friendlier, smile and laugh brighter, work out, make the best out of my third semester, to feel less alone, to love and be loved and write a better lifestory. With that, I closed my 2012 old book and open a new 2013 journal.
Labels: that girl, this is life